


Underneath His Smile

by glittergal12345



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstood Tony, Misunderstood Tony Stark, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, the team don't like tony at first, then they protect him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-10-10 20:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17433185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittergal12345/pseuds/glittergal12345
Summary: The team thinks Tony is a self centered, rude, and obnoxious playboy. They didn't know what really lay underneath his mask. So when Tony starts to spiral out of control, becoming depressed and suicidal, it's up to the avengers to show him what he's really worth. And to forgive themselves for letting him hate himself this way. WARNINGS: SELF HARM, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, EATING DISORDERS. Also posted on Fanfiction.net.





	1. Underneath His Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy hope u like lol.

After a tiring mission, everyone was relieved when they finally returned to the tower. Tony in particular however, because he knew that the mission had failed because of him. Loki had come to play with them, and Clint ended up injured after Tony had disobeyed orders. Or at least, that's what everyone else thought.

Tony himself knew that he hadn't disobeyed orders just to be annoying. While Loki was busy annoying the rest of the team, he spotted a child no older than 5 walking alone on the sidewalk. But, that's not what made his heart stop. Behind the child about three feet away was a very angry man with a gun in his hand, pointing at the child head. Tony immediately went into action.

He quickly flew towards the child, ignoring the team's yelling behind him, picked the kid up, and flew him towards safety. After landing in a nice park, a middle aged woman came running yelling, "My baby!"

The woman grabbed her child and stared dumbfounded at Tony, or rather, Iron Man. Then she gasped, "T-thank you so much!"

Tony gave a salute and flew back to the sidewalk, trying to spot the villain. He was no where to be found. Jarvis was frantically yelling at Tony to turn his coms on and when Tony did, all hell broke loose.

Steve was shouting and asking him why he left, Clint was moaning in pain, Natasha was whispering obscenities, Thor was desperately trying to comfort Clint, and Bruce was nowhere to be seen, or rather, heard. Tony quickly flew back to the Avengers where he noticed Loki was gone. Steve ran up to him, fury on his face. Tony lowered himself to the ground and pushed up his face plate, just when Steve had caught up to him. "Where the hell did you go? If you had been there, Clint wouldn't be injured right now! Loki put something on his leg and you weren't there to stop him!" Steve growled out.

"And none of you guys could?" Tony snapped.

Steve's expression became menacing and he shouted, "You only care about yourself! Now, thanks to you, a team mate is injured, but I'm sure that doesn't even matter to you!"

Tony scowled and yelled back, "I had to save a kid-"

Clint, who was still holding his leg but no longer moaning in pain. shouted, "That's a load of bullshit and you know it, Stark!"

Tony was furious. They thought he was lying? "What! Didn't you- didn't you see me? I literally only went like a few feet away from you!"

Steve only shook his head and in his Captain America voice said to the rest of the team, "Everyone back to the Quinjet. Clint we'll get you to medical as soon as possible."

Everyone nodded and started off to the Quinjet. Tony sighed and followed.

And yeah, that was how they ended up like how they were now. Everyone was pissed at Tony and they weren't afraid to show it either. Even Bruce, who showed up later, was giving him disappointed looks. Tony didn't bother to say anything, he just got up when they reached the tower and left. He heard Steve shouting from behind him but he didn't care. He was starting to get a little anxious, and he knew that if he didn't do something about it quickly, he'd go into a full on panic attack.

He quickly ran into the lab, stripped off his suit, and collapsed to the floor, breathing heavily. Jarvis was desperately trying to communicate to him but in his haze he heard himself say, "Mute."

He stayed on the floor for a few more minutes, until he felt himself begin to stand and walk into the bathroom. He turned on the light, and looked at himself in the mirror. He felt ashamed at what he saw staring back at him. Tony had heavy bags under his eyes, his face was very pale, his eyes red and wide, and his hair disheveled and matted with sweat. He felt his hand reach out to the cabinet and pull out something sharp. He stared at what he has pulled out. A knife, new and never used was sitting in his hand, waiting to cut something. And suddenly, he got a crazy idea.

Now, Tony would argue that he wasn't depressed. And, he definitely wasn't suicidal. This was just an experiment. He just wanted to know how to feel again. His hand shaking, he slowly brought the knife down to his arm, rolled up his sleeve, and pressed it into his skin. It burned and he couldn't help but cry out at the pain. But, it also felt good in a way, and for once, he could really feel something. He quickly sliced another line into his arm and admired his work.

The line was sloppy and oozing blood very quickly. He was fascinated as he watched his skin open up and the blood come out of it, dripping onto the floor and causing a puddle to form. He didn't even care about that, he just wanted to do it again. And so he did. He pressed the knife into his skin and again, but deeper this time. What happens if he goes deeper? He was keen to find out, so he pressed hard, and the pain was almost unbearable. But, he quickly told himself to man up. He decided that he didn't only want to do his arm. He bent down and rolled up his jeans, looking at his bare legs.

This was punishment, he decided. Punishment for letting Clint get hurt, punishment for disobeying, and punishment for existing at all. He pressed the knife into his leg multiple times, until the blood dripped onto the floor, causing the puddle that formed to get bigger. He began to feel himself get dizzy and he dropped the knife, the smell of copper becoming strong.

He tried to stand up, but his arms were unable to support his weight, and he fell back down. Was he getting fatter?

He groaned. Yet another problem he needed to fix. But nothing a little diet and exercise couldn't do. And as he finally closed his eyes, letting sleep take over, a small part of him realized that he hadn't locked the doors the lab, and that anyone could come in at any time if they wanted to. But what did it matter, anyway? He was too tired to care.


	2. A Crack In the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds Tony in the aftermath of his cutting.

Steve was furious as he watched Tony run away like the coward he is. He had caused Clint to get hurt, and Steve would never forgive him. He didn't even bother to tell the truth about where he went. (Steve suspected it was to grab some donuts or something, the man always ate at the craziest times.)

He helped Clint out of the Quinjet and then he told Natasha, " Take Clint to medical, I'm gonna go find Tony."

Natasha frowned. "Clint is hurt, Steve. Let's not give Tony attention that he doesn't deserve."

Steve nodded. "I know, but he shouldn't be able to get away with some like this either."

Natasha sighed. "Suit yourself."

Bruce, hearing the conversation, quickly butted in. "Steve, I'll come with you. I can't believe Tony's behavior today..."

Steve shook his head. "No Bruce, I think it would be best if you stayed with Clint. You have the most medical experience out of all of us, after all."

Bruce nodded. "Tell me what Tony says..."

Steve nodded, and set off for the lab. Upon arrival, he noticed that the blinds event closed and he could see that inside had been trashed. Papers were a over the floor and empty alcohol bottles were everywhere. He growled. So Tony was drinking? He really did only care about himself.

He let himself in and as he walked into the lab, a horrid stench filled his nose. Copper... Blood?

Steve frowned in confusion. Why was the smell so strong? And why hadn't Jarvis alerted them that something was going on in Tony's lab? Suddenly, Steve felt himself grow worried. "Tony!" He shouted.

No response. The lab was eerily silent. Steve growled. "Tony, I swear if this is one of your pranks!"

Again, no response. Then, Steve noticed that the bathroom door was ajar. He groaned, and walked over, carefully avoiding stepping on the papers on the floor. As he got closer to the bathroom, the smell of copper grew stronger. He finally reached the door, and by then the smell was suffocating him. He resisted the urge to cover his nose and walked into the bathroom slowly. And his eyes caught onto Tony's hair.

Why was Tony on the floor? When Steve looked down, what he saw almost made him throw up. Lying at an odd angle on the floor was no other than Tony, but that's not what surprised Steve.

All over Tony's limp arms were cuts, obviously self inflicted. And Steve quickly saw Tony's legs, in a worse condition than the brunette's arms. Steve exhaled, and his eyes caught sight of a sharp knife with dried blood on it.

Steve wanted to cry. Tony had cut himself. But why? Suddenly, he remembered who he was thinking about. Tony, the aggressive, self centered playboy. It had obviously been for attention. At least, that's all Steve could see as the most rational reason.

Steve hadn't even realized he was screaming until Bruce and Thor had run in. The both of them froze at the sight of Tony on the floor. Steve quickly informed them of what had happened. "I think he wanted attention, so he cut himself."

But neither Bruce not Thor responded. Instead, Bruce bolted out of the room and Steve was sure he saw some green on his neck. Thor still stood frozen in the same spot. The he looked up at Steve and muttered, "Cut himself...?"

Steve nodded and then gasped. "Wait, why are we just standing here? We need to take him to medical!"

Thor wasted no time and picked Tony up gently, following Steve out of the bathroom. Back in the lab, Natasha and Clint were waiting to see what had happened. When they saw Steve come out, they walked over to him. "What happened, man? We heard you yelling, and Bruce just ran out!" Clint said worried.

Steve closed his eyes and heard Thor's footsteps coming behind him. He heard Natasha and Clint run over to Thor and gasp at Tony's condition. "What the hell!" Clint shouted.

Natasha cursed in Russian. She looked over to Steve. "What happened to him?"

Steve told them the same thing he told Bruce and Thor. "He cut himself."

Clint eye's widened. "No way... Tony? No way! He... He... why would he do something like that?"

Steve shrugged. "I suspect it was an act for attention."

Natasha shook her head. "Why would he go to such lengths to gain attention?"

Steve sighed. "You know how he is."

"I hate to interrupt, but Tony is getting weaker. We must take him to medical," Thor butted in.

The rest of them nodded and set off for medical, confused and worried. However something was going through Clint's mind. He knew Tony didn't self harm for attention. As he stared at the passed out billionaire he couldn't help but ask himself the same question. Was Tony really who Clint thought he was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad chapter oof. Hope you liked, expect more within a few days


	3. Misunderstood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team visit Tony in medical and realize that they completely misunderstood him.

When the team got to medical, Tony was quickly placed on a bed, and Helen, a fellow ally of the Avengers who had medical experience, checked his vitals. She looked worried. "He is very anxious. We may have to sedate him," Helen told the Avengers.

Steve stared at her in shock. "But, he's passed out!"

"He might wake up. His heart is pumping very quickly and he's twitching a bit," Helen responded sharply. "How long was he in the bathroom?"

Everyone stared at each other. Finally, Clint told Helen, "We don't know. Steve went to the lab to find him, and he just saw Tony laying on the bathroom floor with cuts all over his arms and legs."

Helen shook her head sadly. "He relapsed..." They heard her say quietly.

Natasha looked at her sharply. "What did you say?"

Helen sighed. "Tony didn't want me to tell anyone but... about a few months ago, he fainted from cutting himself and he was taken to medical. I was horrified when I found him, and I had to treat his cuts. When I asked him why he did it he told me it was because he wanted to feel something, and that he thought he was worthless. I obviously told him that none of that was true but he just shook his head and begged me not to tell anyone. I've kept it a secret until now. I was sure that he stopped, because he'd never been taken to medical for cuts like that again but... I guess I was wrong."

The Avengers stared at her in shock. Even Natasha looked surprised. "H-he... he's done this before?" Steve asked quietly.

Helen nodded sadly. Thor tilted his head in confusion. "And not for attention? He did it because he thought he was... worthless?"

Helen raised her head and glared at him. "Why would he do it for attention?"

Steve felt horrible. He had completely misunderstood Tony. He thought the man was a selfish, conceited, whore who didn't care about anyone but himself. But instead, Tony was an insecure and unhappy man only looking for praise. And what had Steve done? He told him that he only cared about himself. And worst of all, he'd forced the other Avengers to have the same mindset about Tony. "Will he be okay?" Steve asked.

Helen nodded. "He's recovering. He'll wake up very soon. But... can I ask you guys a favor?"

Everyone nodded. "You guys are his friends, right?" Helen asked them hopefully.

Everyone looked at each other, uncomfortably. They weren't really friends with Tony. In fact, they avoided the man at all costs. But now, they felt horribly guilty about doing so. So they all nodded.

"Please... please keep an eye on him. I know Tony can be annoying sometimes but he means well. And, if you let him be alone for too long... he gets very self-destructive," Helen told them.

"He only self-harms right? Nothing else to be worried about?" Clint asked slowly.

Helen pursed her lips. "Well... for the most part yes but, well..."

"Please tell us. We want to help him," Natasha quietly begged.

Helen sighed. "He once tried to starve himself."

Everyone gasped. "What!"

"Like I said, Tony is very insecure about his body. He thinks he's fat or something, which obviously isn't true, but he doesn't seem to see that," Helen mumbled.

Steve was practically on the verge of tears. Tony had an eating disorder too? They had really misunderstood the poor man. Before anyone could respond to Helen, they heard a groan from the bed. Tony was waking up. Helen quickly rushed over, and whispered to Tony as he opened his eyes, "Easy..."

Everyone watched nervously as Tony blinked a few times. "W-where am I?" The billionaire asked hoarsely.

"At medical. You... you relapsed," Helen told him cautiously.

The brunette stared blankly at her for a moment and then he examined his arms. They were tightly bandaged, and a little sore. "How did you find me?" He asked Helen, quietly.

Helen pursed her lips and told him, "I wasn't the one that found you."

"Who did then?" Tony asked slowly.

Steve walked up to him carefully. "I did," the blond said.

Tony finally noticed that the rest of the Avengers, minus Bruce, were in the room. He felt himself to begin to panic. He had relapsed and Steve had been the one to find him. Now, he would be kicked off the team for sure. To his mortification, he felt his eyes begin to water. He whispered, "I'm sorry..."

Clint quickly ran up to him. "Tony, it's not your fault!"

Tony ignored Clint and focused on Steve. "Steve, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm so fucking stupid. I know you're gonna kick me off the team for this but... please. This is all I have. You're all I have. Pepper's annoyed with me and Rhodey's been away at the army for months now. I know you guys hate me too, and I'm sorry I'm so worthless but please... at least let me stay at the tower. It's all I have," Tony said, close to crying.

Clint closed his eyes in pain at what Tony had just said. God, he felt so guilty. He had to fix this. Natasha herself was crying silently, tears dripping down her face. Steve was clenching his arms, and staring at Tony with so much emotion. Thor was looking down at the ground, ashamed. Helen left the room, unable to hear anymore. Steve carefully put his hand on Tony's and felt guiltier when he felt Tony tense. He stared Tony in the eye and said, "Tony. You're wrong. You're so wrong. You shouldn't be sorry, I should. I should be on my knees right now, begging you for forgiveness. I was so wrong about you. Tony you're not worthless. And I'm not going to kick you off the team. You're worth so much Tony, and it makes me so sad that you can't see that."

Tony blinked and said wetly, "Y-you're not kicking me off?"

Steve shook his head. "Tony... I don't even deserve to be talking to you right now. God, why are you still talking to me? You have every right to be angry at me right now. I was wrong. We were all wrong about you. You deserve better..."

Tony felt himself blush at Steve's kind words, and he turned away, unable to comprehend them. "I... I'm tired now."

Steve nodded and let go of his hand. "Tony... we will make this up to you."

Tony didn't respond. Steve motioned to the others, and they all left Tony to sleep. As they walked out into the hallway, Clint yelled, "This is such bullshit!"

Nobody bothered to reprimand him, they were all tired after seeing Tony's state. Clint shook his head. "Why... why were we so mean to him?"

Nobody knew what to say. Clint turned to them. "We will make this up to him."

Nobody disagreed. Tomorrow, when Tony was well-rested, they would show him just how much he meant to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it will get better... just wait till next chapter :) Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony learns something about himself after a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a while. Sorry about that, I didn't know what to write about, but once I started it just came to me. Sorry this chapter might be a little bad??? I rushed it. But there's also a lot happening in this chapter so.... brace yourselves and enjoy. Also, thanks so much for the support I've been getting! It makes me more motivated so thank you so much, you're all so kind!

When Tony came back from medical, he went straight to the lab. He knew the rest of the team was trying to apologize, but he didn't want to hear any of it. Feelings made gave him headaches, and headaches made him annoyed.

He made sure to lock the doors and restrict anyone access from coming in. After all, he'd made that mistake before and look what had happened. Now Steve and the team gave him sad looks and he knew they felt pity. But, he didn't want pity from anyone, especially not the people that caused him to cut in the first place.

He walked into the bathroom to see the damage, but to his surprise, there was no blood. Who cleaned it?

As if reading his thoughts Jarvis, said, "Sir, the mess was cleaned during your time in medical. You can thank Mr. Rogers for that."

Tony gaped. Steve had cleaned up the mess? But why? Jarvis, noticing Tony's surprise, said, "Perhaps he would like to make up for his past mistakes, Sir."

Tony scowled. "Yeah sure, Jarvis. Who said you could talk anyway?"

"I am programmed to-"

"Didn't ask!" Tony quickly interrupted.

Jarvis stayed silent. Tony sighed and walked out of the bathroom. He strolled over to his desk and fiddled with a screwdriver. He began to think of an excuse for everything that had happened in the past few days. He didn't want the others to treat him differently. He wouldn't know how to handle it. Before he could continue pondering, Jarvis said, "Sir, Mr. Rogers is requesting access."

Tony rubbed his temples and growled out, "Denied."

Jarvis seemed to hesitate before he added, "Sir, maybe it would be best for you to communicate with the others, you seem stressed and your vitals are-"

"Mute," Tony snapped.

Tony groaned and laid his head down in his arms on the desk. He felt a headache coming on. He closed his eyes, his thoughts silencing. He felt himself relax and couldn't help but drift off to sleep.

* * *

 

Steve felt his patience growing thin as he pleaded for access to Tony's lab. "Jarvis please! I need to see him!"

"Mr. Rogers, please come back later. Sir is sleeping right now."

Steve couldn't help but think about finding Tony just laying limp on the bathroom floor, blood oozing from his arms. He would never forget Tony's dead eyes, and his pale face, as he just laid there. It was embedded into Steve's mind. He wanted so desperately to apologize, to tell Tony that he wasn't worthless. He wanted to see the poor man, alive and well. "Jarvis please..."

Jarvis, as if taking pity on Steve, was silent for a few agonizing seconds, and then said monotonously, "Speak wisely, Mr. Rogers. Sir takes everything to heart."

Steve nodded happily. "Thank you Jarvis!" He walked into the lab. It was no longer trashed, and the lights were dim. He spotted Tony dozing off with his head in his arms on a desk. He walked closer to the brunette, and couldn't help but notice his messy hair. Steve wanted to run his fingers through it, just to see how soft it was. Tony looked so peaceful when he was asleep. If only he always looked that way. Steve pondered these thoughts for a moment and then gasped, realizing what he was thinking.

Where did these thoughts come from? Why was he thinking this way about a teammate? About Tony? He shook his head as if to clear the thoughts away and decided not to wake Tony up. He would come back later. He gave one last glance at the sleeping billionaire before he walked out of the lab.

* * *

 

Tony wandered down the halls into the kitchen so he could get a snack. He was surprised to see Steve there, eating a bowl of oatmeal. 

_"Morning, Cap!"_

_Steve didn't respond. Tony blinked and then shrugged walking over to the fridge. He spotted the box of donuts he had bought the other day and took it out, taking two from the box. His mouth watered at the frosting on the treat, and he took a bite, almost moaning at the delightful taste. He closed the fridge with a smile, and looked up, meeting Steve's empty eyes. "Nobody ever teach you not to stare?" Tony said jokingly._

_Steve's eyes narrowed, and he eyed the donuts in Tony's hand. Tony noticed this and asked Steve, "You want one?"_

_Steve stared at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding me?"_

_Tony tilted his head in confusion. "What...?"_

_Steve barked out a laugh, standing up so quickly, that the table jumped. He cackled, and Tony gave him a worried look. Abruptly, Steve's laughter stopped. He looked up and gave Tony a judging look. "Tony, have you ever exercised before?"_

_"Y-yeah...?"_

_Steve smiled grimly at him. "That's weird. You seem to get fatter as the days go on."_

_Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Wha-"_

_"Tony, all you eat is junk food. Soon, you won't even be able to fit in the suit."_

_Tony shook his head, staring desperately at Steve, "No... no I'm-"_

_"Stop, Tony. I know you're lying. You never exercise. And all you eat is crap. No wonder your stomach seems to inflate everyday. God, Tony, you're so goddamn fat. No wonder Pepper left you."_

_Tony sank to his knees, tears rolling down his eyes as he tried to shut out the horrible things Steve was saying. "You're fat, Tony. You're so fat."_

_But the words seemed to get louder. "Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat!"_

_The words got so loud, Tony felt them hitting his skull. He sobbed as the words continued to torment him. "FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT."_

_Steve laughed and said, "Admit it Tony, you're so FAT."_

_Tony sobbed and nodded along. "I'm fat, I know I'm fat."_

_He clutched his stomach and cried, **"I KNOW I'M FAT!"**_

* * *

 

Tony gasped, his head shooting up. He panted, trying to forgot his nightmare. He looked down to his stomach, only to see the fat bulging through his shirt. He moaned in despair and bolted into the bathroom, quickly turning on the light. He stared at his reflection in the mirror. The fat wasn't only in his stomach, but in his cheeks too. He quickly turned away from the mirror and spotted a single toothbrush lying in a cup. He grabbed it with shaking hands, remembering something he read online with Bruce.

_"I can't believe people would ever try to make themselves throw up... That sounds like hell," Tony said to Bruce, shutting his tablet off._

_Bruce nodded in agreement. "Yeah..."_

_Tony shook his head. "I wouldn't even care. I don't give a shit what other people think."_

_Bruce smiled sadly. "If only people had the same mindset as you, Tony."_

Now, Tony understood. He understood why people did things like this. He looked at the toilet and sighed. This was the only way he would ever lose the fat. The only way he'd ever be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.


	5. We Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally talk with Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! :)

Tony stood up from the toilet, his hands shaking so much that he dropped the toothbrush. He gagged at the taste of vomit, but felt oddly satisfied. Finally, he was making some progress. He ignored the empty feeling in his stomach, flushed the toilet, washed his hands, and walked out of the bathroom. A worried Jarvis immediately greeted him. "Sir, your vitals are concerning. Perhaps a snack would do you some good."

Tony ignored Jarvis, and walked over to his desk, starting a new project. Jarvis continued to bug him.

"Sir, please, you seem to be malnourished-"

"And maybe that's a good thing, J!" Tony snapped.

Jarvis remained silent. Then he responded almost as if he cared. "Sir, at least half the world is in love with you, and the other half at least thinks you're attractive. I don't see the point in being so negative when so many people adore you."

Tony didn't respond. He knew Jarvis didn't care. He couldn't. He wasn't programmed to do that. Sure, Jarvis could act like he cared but he didn't really, nobody did.

"Sir-"

"I'll go get something to eat," Tony finally relented.

"Thank you, sir," Jarvis stated.

Tony stood up from his chair, and stretched. He slowly walked into the hallway that lead to the kitchen. Unfortunately, Tony didn't realize he was going to the  _group_ kitchen, and was surprised to see the whole team waiting there, as if they had expected him. When he walked in, they looked up.

"Tony!" Steve gasped, standing up.

Ha, Tony thought. As if Steve was surprised. "How did you know I was coming?" Tony asked, angry at them.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously, and Clint quickly said, "Jarvis told us."

Tony closed his eyes and harshly exhaled from his nose. He should have known. "Traitor!" He snapped.

Jarvis, that smug ass, said, "Sir, you never specified whether I could or could not disclose your location."

Tony ignored him, and crossed his arms across his chest defensively. "Okay well, I'm here! What do you want!"

Natasha was looking at the bandages around his arms. "When was the last time they were changed?" she asked softly.

Tony huffed. "Doesn't matter."

Natasha only shook her head, and muttered something to herself in Russian. Tony glanced at Bruce, who had been silent the whole time. He definitely missed his science bro, but he was afraid of confronting him, sure that Bruce thought of him differently now. In fact, that's how he felt about the whole team. Sure, it was annoying that they never seemed to care if he was dead or alive, but he never wanted them to get to see past his masks. He didn't want them to know so much about him. Now, they knew just how much of a fuck-up he was. Steve, seeming to hear his self-deprecating thoughts, told him softly, "Tony we're so sorry. We really misjudged you."

Tony looked down and mumbled, "It's fine. I don't even care."

Steve advanced towards him, and Tony backed away quickly. Steve flinched, noticing this, and back away slowly. "I'm sorry, I-"

"No. No, Steve. You guys... you guys can't do this!" Tony shouted, panicking.

Bruce stood up. "Do what, Tony?"

"T-this! You can't just expect to be able to trick me like this! I'm a genius, remember! I'm not an idiot!"

Thor also stood up. "Brother, we aren't trying to deceive you in anyway. We are worried about your well-being."

Tony shook his head and laughed harshly. "No. No, you're not. Look, what do you guys want? New suit upgrades? Bigger rooms? M-money?"

Everyone looked horrified. Steve shouted, "No Tony! No we don't want anything from you! We're doing this because we care!"

Tony shook his head sadly. "You don't. Nobody cares. Everyone leaves..."

Steve stared at Tony in shock. Was that what he thought? Was that really how Tony felt about them? "No Tony... we all care about you... We're all worried. We don't want anything from you, we swear!"

Tony only looked down, shuffling on his feet slightly. "Okay," he said without emotion.

Bruce, finally unable to take anymore, spoke up for the first time. "Tony..."

Tony looked up, and stared at Bruce with wet eyes. "Bruce..."

Bruce contemplated something for a moment and then looked Tony in the eye and said, "I'm sorry."

Tony was shocked. Why would Bruce be sorry? It was his own fault. "Bruce... it's my fault, you shouldn't be sorry."

Someone, possibly Steve, made a choked sound at what Tony had said. Bruce didn't look deterred. "Tony, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for not noticing that one of my best friends, the only person who ever really understood me, the only person that never feared me, the only person that enjoyed being around me, was in pain. I'm sorry that I didn't try and help you, and I'm sorry I ignored all the signs. I-" Bruce choked up. "I s-should've been there for you... I should've tried to understand. I should've showed my support. You always say that it's never my fault, but... this time... I think it really was."

Everyone stood, shocked at what Bruce had just revealed. But, Tony was the most surprised. Bruce cared about him? Tony self-consciously tugged on the long sleeves of his black shirt, feeling nervous. He didn't know what to say. And it scared him.

Steve, taking this as an opportunity, slowly walked up to Tony. He was glad when he saw that Tony didn't move back, but was gripping his sleeves tightly. Steve exhaled and started, "Tony, I don't... I don't even know where to start. I've wronged you in so many ways. But I just want to say that I'm sorry for misunderstanding you. I thought you were just some rich playboy who would flaunt his wealth in our faces at any chance he got. But you're not. You're so much more than that. You're kind, you're caring, you're considerate, even when you don't think so. You're always thinking about the team, thinking about you can improve our gear. I used to think you would disobey and ignore my orders in missions because you were selfish, but I know now that it's because you truly care about others. You just want to save innocent lives. But Tony... you do it without caring about your own. You forget that... you're so important and that we would all-" Steve stopped, closing his eyes, and reminding himself that Tony was still alive, that Tony was still  _here._ He looked up and stared into Tony's eyes. "We would all go crazy if you died Tony. So please... don't waste your life. We care about you..."

By the end of Steve's speech, Tony was shaking. Steve stared worriedly at Tony. "Tony are you okay-"

Tony looked up and Steve and the rest of the team were shocked to see tears in his sparking brown eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something but a sob broke out, and then Tony was crying. Steve enveloped the shorter man in a hug, and the rest of the team quickly followed. Tony sobbed into Steve's shirt, overcome with so much emotion. Steve only held him tighter. He would never give up the man in his arms... not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some fluff! Or is this just more angst? Idk :(  
> Anyway, sorry this took so long! I'll try and get the chapters out quicker! Hope you enjoyed!


	6. Why Must You Taunt Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shouldn't have eaten that pizza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i continue this...

The team did not want Tony working in the lab alone. Even though Tony persisted, they insisted on watching a movie.

"It's been a while since we had team movie night," was all Steve said.

Tony didn't even  _know_ 'team movie night' existed. When he questioned them about it, they all shared guilty looks and Bruce explained, "Uh yeah, we had them. But we didn't really know if you wanted to be a part of it since you were always in the lab..."

They all looked incredibly guilty and Clint said, "But no more of that! You have to come from now on!"

Tony wasn't sure whether he felt flattered or overwhelmed. But, he agreed to watch the movie with them. Steve gave him a gentle smile and Tony couldn't keep the blush off his face. He masked it by looking down.

As the team settled on the couch, Tony noticed that they all sat very close to him. Not that he minded. Steve was sitting the closest to him, with his arm brushing against Tony's at every move. Tony carefully didn't come any closer to him and kept his face on this TV as the movie started.

In the middle of the movie, Clint grumpily exclaimed that he was hungry. Thor agreed and so Steve ordered pizza. Now normally Tony would be excited when someone mentioned pizza but, now he just felt nauseous. But the team seemed excited so he made sure to smile and laugh along with them. As time went on, Tony's nauseous only increased, and by the time the pizza arrived, he was sure he would puke on the spot. But he kept his face neutral and watched as everyone grabbed a slice. When he hadn't grabbed one himself, Natasha stared at him and then said slowly, "Aren't you going to grab one too, Tony?"

Tony resisted the urge to glare at her and instead gave her a tight smile. "Yeah, yeah, just waiting for everyone to grab one."

Natasha nodded, and went back to watching the movie, but Tony knew she was keeping her eye on him. He grabbed a small slice, and started to dizzy as he held the slice in his hand. It was so greasy but smelled so good... He slowly took a bite and chewed, and the next thing he knew, the slice was gone in a minute. He grabbed another one, and then another one, and then he grabbed so many that his stomach could no longer take anymore. The hunger that he had been feeling for a few days was satisfied, so why did he feel so dirty?

He watched as the team continued to grab slices, and he watched Thor as he bit into what seemed like his 16th pizza. Tony stared, jealous. How could the guy eat so much yet stay so fit? Tony looked down to his own bulging stomach and the nauseousness came back, full force. He suddenly stood up, with a great urge to vomit, and managed to choke out, "I'll be right back, just gotta use the bathroom."

He didn't wait to hear the team's reply as he bolted towards the bathroom, busting the door open and then slamming it shut. He grabbed a toothbrush from a cup on the sink and sat in front of the toilet. But he didn't even need to use to toothbrush because immediately he sat down, the pizza that he ate came out full force.

He vomited until he dry-heaved, and then he just sat there, reminiscing in what he had just done. The hunger came back, and he quickly felt weak again. He sighed, and stood up, using the wall to steady himself. He knew the team was starting to get suspicious so he quickly rinsed his mouth, sprayed a bit of cologne to wash away the vomit smell, but not enough that they would know he sprayed a new one, and then he quickly walked out.

He made sure to look as relaxed as possible as he walked back into the room. Everyone's eyes were quickly on him. "You okay?" Clint asked as he walked in.

He gave a bright smile that he knew looked a little forced and mumbled, "Fine, Birdbrain."

He took his seat back next to Steve and pretended not to notice the worried look the blond gave him. He noticed that there was once slice of pizza left. As he stared at it, it felt like it was taunting him. His stomach made annoying pangs but, he ignored it and continued to watch the movie. After all, wasn't the pizza what had gotten Tony into this mess in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!! I have this rlly bad habit of starting something and not finishing it but, I don't want to continue doing that! I was on writer's block for a while but I'm back! I'll try and finish this so expect more updates from now on! So sorry but hope you enjoyed! And should I continue this? I feel like it's getting a little boring?


	7. Red is the New Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve catches Tony in the act.

After the movie, Tony quickly fled to his bedroom, feeling lost and confused. The team had appreciated his presence there, it was pretty obvious, what he didn't know was why. He was worthless, pathetic, and didn't deserve the trust or respect of his teammates so why did they keep looking at him as if they cared?

Tony hated when he didn't know something, and it stayed in his brain until he could figure it out. He sat in the lab, staring blankly at a table, lost in his head. JARVIS was saying something but, Tony couldn't hear him. The only thing he could hear was  _why why why_   in his head. He glared down at the table and quickly stood up, walking into the bathroom.

At this point, JARVIS was becoming panicky, knowing what his boss was about to do. "Sir, please!" He kept shouting, but he knew Tony couldn't hear him. He was going to have to try something else.

Tony flicked on the light, and his eye caught the razor that was on the sink. He grabbed it and slid up his sleeve, slowly, already feeling relieved. What he didn't know was that JARVIS was taking drastic measures, and alerting the others of what was about to happen.

* * *

Steve thought he made some progress. He thought that he made Tony see that he wasn't worthless, or any of that crap he thought he was. Tony was amazing, and it made Steve very sad to know that Tony didn't  _know_ that he was amazing. He always thought Tony was arrogant and stuck-up always making it seem like he was the best.

 But, he fell for that mask, just like many others had. Steve had just been washing the dishes when he heard JARVIS say, "Captain, Sir is in great need of assistance."

Steve quickly dropped the dish he was rinsing and heard it crack at the impact. He ignored that and ran towards the direction of the lab.

Bruce, who was walking the opposite way saw Steve running with a panicked look on his face and stopped immediately. Steve didn't stop running however, only turned to him and shouted, "Tony need help!"

Bruce's eyes widened and he followed Steve to the lab. Once they got there, they noticed that the windows were not able to be seen through. This only made them more anxious and they started shouting, "JARVIS, let us in!"

JARVIS allowed them access immediately and it was sad that Steve already knew where to go. He ran towards the bathroom and almost cried at the sight. He heard Bruce gasp behind him.

Tony had turned to them when they walked in, and was frozen, his sleeves pulled up and a razor touching his skin, ready to impale the surface. Steve noticed that he already has some scars on his arm, showing that he had come too late. On Tony's face was a look of pure shame. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were wet. His shaking hands dropped the razor into the sink and Steve ran over, grabbing Tony into a hug. He whispered, "Why, Tony..."

Tony held onto Steve's arms tightly, and started sobbing into Steve's shoulder. Steve held him tighter and he heard Bruce run out of the room, probably to get the others. "I'm sorry Steve... I didn't mean... I tried... I'm sorry!" Tony cried into his shoulder.

Steve shook his head. "Shh... It's okay, Tony..."

Tony's was shivering, and his breaths were coming out ragged. Steve knew he was about to have a panic attack. Luckily at this moment, the others had come in and were all in a state of shock when they saw the situation. Tony's sleeves were still rolled up, so the damage was visible and his sharp breaths showed that he needed help right away.

"Oh my Gosh..." Natasha whispered, running over.

Clint followed, unusually silent. Thor stood by the door, watching with sad eyes as Bruce took out a first aid kit. Bruce held gauze in his hand and walked over to Tony's shivering form. Steve let go of the brunette, and Natasha and Clint backed away to let Bruce do his work. Tony kept his head down the whole time as Bruce wrapped his injuries. When he was done, he held Tony's hand and led him out of the bathroom. Tony didn't resist, staying silent and holding Bruce's hand tightly, his eyes dead. Steve, Clint, Natasha, and Thor followed them out of the bathroom. Bruce turned to them and asked, "Who's room can Tony stay in?"

Steve immediately raised his hand. "Mine. I'll lead you."

The team followed Steve to his room, all giving Tony worried glances on the way. When they finally reached Steve's room, Bruce flicked on the light and lead Tony towards the bed. He gently laid the man down, and Tony lay on the bed, not moving, and his eyes lusterless. It seemed like he was in a catatonic state, and it was odd, not hearing Tony talk for such a long period of time. The team all stood in Steve's room awkwardly, unsure what to do with themselves. Steve finally said, "We can't leave him alone. Not again..."

The team all nodded in agreement. Steve started, "I think I should stay-"

"We all will," Clint butted in.

Steve blinked, unsure, and looked at everyone else. They all had a look of determination in their eyes.

"Yeah, I agree," Natasha muttered.

"As do I," Thor said, his voice low for once.

Bruce nodded to show he agreed too. Steve stared at all of them, amazed. Although they often didn't show it, they truly cared for Tony. Then he looked at the man in the bed. Tony still hadn't moved, but to Steve's relief his eyes were closed and his chest was moving up and down, showing that he was just asleep.

Steve sighed and then looked at the team again. "Then it's settled. We will all stay with Tony. He needs us, all of us."

The team nodded, and went to find places in the room to sit down. Steve sad down on the bed, feeling as it dipped with his weight. He stared sadly at Tony. We wont leave you alone again, he thought, determined to help Tony get better. Because Tony deserved it. And Steve needed to show him that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long... I was on writer's block and really had no motivation to write. I'm gonna end this at about chapter ten, so this fic is coming to a close. Once again, sorry for my inactivity and hope you enjoyed!


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